Hoy toca corregir un ARTICLE a una seguidora. Por un lado, señalamos sus errores en rojo. Después, corregimos esos errores en verde y para finalizar, en morado, indicamos cómo subir de nivel aún más, para conseguir un C2.
Let’s get on with it!
TEENAGE STRUGGLES AND HOW TO BEST MANAGE THEM
*Errores subrayados en rojo
*Buen vocabulario señalado en negrita
Youth is meant to be the most wonderful life stage. Yet, I cannot help but point out the fact that not all that glitters is gold. When talking over teenagers, is not your standpoint that they come across huge amount of problems?
To start off with, teenagers spend a plethora of time along with their phones. It entails cyber addiction, what is more, no interacting with others face to face. Still further, due to social networks, youngsters tend to look like they were physically perfect. Sometimes, it comes with anorexia or depression.
On another note, and taking into account the very easy access teenagers have to internet, they truly believe that practising underage sex is quite normal. Unfortunately, it brings far-reaching effects, such as pornography or sexual abuse, to name but a few.
We cannot overlook the fact that, given that it is thought being popular and acting all the same makes them popular, consuming drugs, and especially alcohol or tobacco, seems to be the order of the norm.
Last but not least, as aforementioned, minors watch television or surf on the internet without the supervision of an adult. It turns into watching some programs which are not appropriate for their age. Hence, teenagers become disrespectful at home or at school.
To cut a long story short, it is crystal clear that it is high time parents tackled the matter before reaching a tipping point and there not being turning back.
In my humble opinion, guardians ought to set up timetables to use the phones and monitor what they watch on television. Government, for its part, should draw the line restricting the access to certain websites. By the same token, we should not turn a blind eye to all these issues and address them at school.
*Correcciones en verde
Youth is meant to be the most wonderful stage of life. Yet, I cannot help but point out the fact that not all that glitters is gold. When talking over something with teenagers, there is an upward tendency to think that they know more than their parents, thus, they struggle when accepting an adult’s standpoint. To start off with, teenagers spend a plethora of time on their phones. It entails cyber addiction, what is more, a lack of face to face interaction with others in real life. Still further, due to social networks, youngsters tend to look as if they were physically perfect, which sometimes can lead to anorexia or depression.
On another note, and taking into account the ease of access teenagers have to the Internet, they truly believe that practising underage sex is quite normal. Unfortunately, it brings far-reaching effects, such as pornography or sexual abuse, to name but a few. We cannot overlook the fact that, it is thought that living up to these high standards makes them more popular, which can lead to drug use and tobacco.
Last but not least, as aforementioned, minors watch television or surf the Internet without the supervision of an adult. It turns into watching some programs which are not appropriate for their age. Hence, teenagers become disrespectful at home or at school. To cut a long story short, it is crystal clear that it is high time for parents to tackle this matter before reaching a tipping point, where there is no turning back.
In my humble opinion, guardians ought to set up timetables to use the phones and monitor what they watch on television. Government, for its part, should draw the line restricting the access to certain websites. By the same token, we should not turn a blind eye to all these issues and address them at school.
*Cambios para subir a un nivel C2 en morado
Youth is meant to be the most wonderful stage of life. Yet, I cannot help but point out the fact that not all that glitters is gold, in the event that, there is an upward tendency to think that they know more than their parents, thus, they struggle when accepting an adult’s standpoint. First and foremost, teenagers spend a plethora of time on their phones. Not only does it entail cyber addiction, but also a lack of face to face interaction with others. Still further, due to social networks, youngsters tend to look as if they were physically perfect, which sometimes can lead to anorexia or depression.
On another note, and taking into account the ease of access teenagers have to the Internet, they truly believe that practising underage sex is quite normal. Unfortunately, it gives rise to several far-reaching effects, such as pornography or sexual abuse, to name but a few. We cannot overlook the fact that it is thought that living up to these high standards makes them more popular, which can lead to drug use and tobacco.
Last but not least, as aforementioned, minors watch television or surf the Internet without the supervision of an adult. Hence, it turns into watching some programs, which are not appropriate for their age, making them disrespectful at home or school. To cut a long story short, it is crystal clear that it is high time for parents to tackle this matter before reaching a tipping point, where there is no turning back.
In my humble opinion, guardians ought to set up timetables to use the phones and monitor what they watch on television. At the other end of the spectrum, Government, for its part, should draw the line restricting the access to certain websites. By the same token, we should not turn a blind eye to all these issues and get them addressed at school.
¿Qué consejos damos para mejorar este writing?
Se debería haber usado alguna inversión. Mi consejo es que en vez de usar «what is more/ still further» tan seguido, usemos una inversión que sirve también como conector de tipo adicional.
Así por ejemplo:
Donde ella escribió:
«It entails cyber addiction, what is more, no interacting with others face to face. Still further, due to social networks youngsters tend to look like they were physically perfect»
Escribiríamos:
«Not only does it entail cyber addiction but also a lack of face to face interaction with others. Still further, due to social networks youngsters tend to look as if they were physically perfect»
Intentaría unir las frases con más conectores y pronombres relativos, en lugar de crear oraciones simples y con demasiados puntos y aparte.
Así por ejemplo:
Donde ella escribió:
«Still further, due to social networks, youngsters tend to look like they were physically perfect. Sometimes it comes with anorexia or depression»
Escribiríamos:
«Still further, due to social networks, youngsters tend to look as if they were physically perfect, which sometimes comes with anorexia or depression»
It’s high time that (ya es hora de que)
Tenemos que tener cuidado con esta expresión ya que depende de si estamos hablando de algo que ya ha ocurrido o de algo que está por ocurrir, usaremos un tiempo verbal u otro.
-Ya era hora de que algo ocurriese ( It’s high time ( something) happened) ( se usa el falso pasado o subjuntivo)
-Ya es hora de que algo ocurra ( It’s high time for (something) to happen) (se usa el infinitivo)
Así mismo, donde ella escribió:
«It is high time parents tackled the matter before reaching a tipping point»
Escribiríamos:
«It is high time for parents to tackle this matter before reaching a tipping point»
¿Por qué? Porque ella quiere decir que ya es hora de que abordemos el asunto y no que ya era hora de que se abordase, puesto que aún no se ha abordado. En este caso, no usamos el falso pasado (subjuntivo), porque el asunto aún tiene que ser abordado, sino el infinitivo.
It’s high time for someone to do something
Para decir: «como si fueran», usaremos una de estas tres opciones:
-«Like if they were»
-«As if they were»
-«As though they were» ► Esta forma es la que te dará más puntos, porque estás usando THOUGH. Haz clic aquí para saber más sobre THOUGH y sus usos para nivel avanzado de inglés
¡Te felicito Auxiliadora!
En general, está muy bien y has usado muy buenas expresiones de mi libro. Pero lo más importante, es que lo has hecho en forma y contexto correctos.
Tienes muy pocos errores y con unos cuantos toquecitos vas a mejorar un montón. Aquí veo un writing nivel C1 que solo necesita pulir ciertas cositas, como las que te he comentado anteriormente.
Con respecto a lo que te propongo cambiar para darle un toque más C2, se trata solo de opciones, para ayudarte a conseguir un nivel aún más alto si cabe.
Consigue nuestros libros para aprobar B2-C1-C2 de inglés en Amazon